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Spectator at the Revolution

We've all been sold, to a world, thats failed us...

9/30/10 02:42 am - Odd Bedfellows

"Am I dead?" He asked the man next to him. Well, man might be too generous a term. It certainly looked like a man, from the neck down at least, but had the unsettling and distinctly non-human feature of a large beak protruding from where a normal person would have a nose. Coupled with the blue and black feathers adoring his head and it made for the sort of sight one couldn't help but stare at. He wondered if the man, or creature, minded.

The beaked figure shrugged unhelpfully. "If it helps, I'm not dead." it responded after some consideration.

"So I'm not dead." the man sighed, visibly relieved.

"I didn't say that." the creature croaked in return. It looked quite repulsive making human sounds with an avian beak. It sounded like how the man had always imagined lettuce would sound, it lettuce had a sound. Lettuce didn't normally generate sound on its own that he knew of, but there were many things he did not know.

"Oh." he mustered. "Well who are you anyway?"

The creature shrugged again. "Right now I don't know. I take the shape I need to take."

The man bit back the uncomfortably strong impulse to ask what force could possibly make this creature take on the form it currently wore, a form full of odd lines and dark plumage. Fortunately he was spared the need to ask by the creature volunteering the answer as if it had read the man's mind. The staring probably hadn't helped, he realized.

"The people who bring me to this place give me form." the beast cawed.

Great. That was comforting.

Doing his best to ignore the very alarmed section of his brain the man plowed on. "So others have been here before me?" he asked.

"No." the creature said as it nodded the affirmative. "Well, yes and no." it clarified unhelpfully.

"It can't be yes and no!" the man explained as one might explain physics to first graders. "Other people either have or haven't been here before I came along."

"Why can't it be both?" the bird-man cawed.

"Well because it's not physically possible..." he started, then stopped abruptly. Why wasn't it possible?

The bird-man took note of the man's sudden silence and seemed amused by it. "Realized you don't know where you are? Hard to determine what happened here before you if you don't know where here is." it commented sagely.

"Knowing where I am would be a great start." the man opined. The bird-thing smiled.

"It would." it agreed.



Sigh



"So... where are we?" he asked somewhat rudely, frustrated with the lack of progress the conversation was making.

"I don't know." it answered genuinely. "This is your place, not mine."

The man stood up aggravated. "So you're like a figment of my imagination? A manifestation of my subconscious or something." he rounded sharply. "Well, which one is it?"

The bird-man laughed aloud, a bizarre and off-putting clacking noise that reminded the man of sea otters breaking mussels. "This is not Freudian dreamspace. Why is everything always symbols and metaphors with you people? Can't you just enjoy a nice beach when you have one? Some people go their whole lives without ever seeing a beach."

The man noticed for the first time that he was indeed on a beach, the waves lapping gently around his ankles. He was shocked. "This wasn't here before..." he stammered.

"Wasn't it?"

The man thought for a moment, puzzled. Now that he considered it he could not recall what the scenery moments ago had been like. "I.. I don't know." he replied lamely.

"Of course you don't." the bird-man replied haughtily. "You never bothered to look."

The man bristled with indignation. "You know, for a ghost-apparition-thing you aren't very nice or helpful." he sounded like an angry schoolchild who had just gotten his ball stolen by the schoolyard bully. He contemplated what he said and decided he sounded like a spoiled brat. He fell silent.

The bird-creature blinked mildly at him, surveying him through one beady eye. The man felt uncomfortably like prey the thing was planning on savoring come mealtime. "You assume I'm here to help you. I don't even know you."

"You said people who summon you here give you form and I don't see anyone else here. I must have summoned you for a reason."

"Maybe you're just lonely." the creature suggested in a voice dripping with sarcasm. "And since you're the one who made me look like this I understand why." it intoned dispassionately.

The man ignored it. "I don't know where I am, I don't know who you are or why you're here. I'm all alone and I don't know anything!" he screamed in frustration. "What is going on here?" he asked miserably.

"Does it matter?" the bird-man asked quietly.

"Whatever." the man replied irritably. "Leave me alone."

The bird clacked in amusement. "You're slow, but you got it in the end."

"Got what?" The man turned around to look at his companion only to find the creature gone. Instead the beach was littered with tourists of all shapes and sizes and levels of obnoxiousness.

"Oh honey! I didn't even see you get up." his wife beamed at him from her sun chair. "Did you have a good nap?"

Lounging, an odd posture for a bird, near his towel was a peculiar blue and black bird. It was eying him cautiously since he did not appear to have any food. "It was just a dream." the man murmured to himself as he lay back down on his towel.

"Was it?" the bird asked with a quizzical expression. "Maybe it just took you a while to notice the people, the same way it took you a while to notice the beach." The man considered the question for a moment, then hit the bird with a plastic shovel he found near his head. "Shut up." he said.



Then he went back to sleep.



























==============





A very whimsical short I wrote after a long drive back to my apartment. I don't really know what inspired it but here it is. It's unedited because I'm tired. Maybe I'll get around to it later. Enjoy! Or don't, whatever floats your boat.

2/11/10 12:07 am - I just felt like re-doing this for fun.

1.Put your music on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got the note from.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Jane's Addiction - Of Course

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Real McCoy - I Want You

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Incubus - Warning (ahaha, fitting)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
AC/DC - Shook Me All Night Long

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Panic! At the Disco - Lying is the Most Fun a Girl can have without taking her clothes off

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Michelle Branch - You Get Me

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Interpol - Not Even Jail

WHAT IS 2+2?
The Offspring - All I Want

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Catch-22 - Riding the Fourth Wave

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Powerman 5000 - Stereotype

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Ray Charles - I Believe to my Soul

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Fall Out Boy - The Carpet Tunnel of Love (taken at face value, I'm amused by this one)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Green Day - Basket Case (BWAHAHHAHA!)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Letter Kills - Time Marches On

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Default - Somewhere

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
The Stone Roses - Fools Gold

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Dropkick Murphy's - John Law

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Jack Johnson - Breakdown

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
The Mighty Mighty Bosstones - It Can't Hurt

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Rise Against - Dead Ringer

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Less than Jake - Johnny Quest (Amazing. 5 stars)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Three Doors Down - When It's Over

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Faber Drive - You'll Make It

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Oasis - All Around the World

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Bon Jovi - Hardest Part is the Night

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Smash Mouth - Walking on the Sun (How perfect can this get?)

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Jack Johnson - Better Together (Sure hope so..)

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Flogging Molly - Wanderlust

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Oasis - Keep the Dream Alive

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Hoobastank - My Turn

10/4/09 12:41 am

Vague emo postings ahoy!


Fuck it. God forbid I make a mistake. Get over yourself and let it go.

9/16/09 10:51 pm

FRANKEN-PS2! IT LIVES! NOW I KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO BE PLAYSTATION GOD! BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

8/22/09 12:47 am - So it gets posted here

So I suppose I've got a schedule to keep. If I ever hope to be a professional writer someday, or make something of myself, I've got to learn to keep to a deadline. It's been far too long since I've written something of worth, so I guess I need to force myself to. Tonight I feel like being selfish. I want to write about me. One more selfish act in a life full of them, but here goes.




I've never understood perfection. At least, I've never understood perfection the way I think of it. That is both the beauty and the ultimate shortcoming of perfect - it is subjective. What is perfect to one person is not perfect to the next. Even knowing that, I still expect myself to be perfect. I expect myself to be able to fix everyone's problems. That is how I define perfection; It's the ability to make everyone happy. Seems to me that it goes hand-in-hand with my personal philosophy of "It's not what happens during your life, but the people you love while living it.". I guess that's why I've never been comfortable with myself. I can't fix everyone's problems.. I can't even fix half of them. For the most part, it is not in my power to make people happy, even though I feel like it should be. This life isn't about me. It's about what I can do for this world. What I can do for the people in it; the people I know and care about. Even after all that, I still screw up. I still get other people in trouble. What kind of person am I, that other people suffer for my actions, even if I had good intentions?

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions", they say.

The ironic part is that people are more than capable of fixing their own lives. People derive satisfaction from having control over their own surroundings. I take away that satisfaction, that feeling of control, if I fix problems for them. I see brilliant people around me every day, every moment. People who are motivated, and intelligent, and have souls of such beauty that it blows me away. They struggle through their lives, even if they are granted beneficial circumstances. Just because someone is born into money, or high status, doesn't mean they don't have their own battles to fight. Yet these people make it through, every day. Through their psychological roadblocks, and their lives potholes. They make themselves stronger, day by day, until they can truly call themselves content. We all do it. Every one of us. So why do I feel the need to help them?

Still comes back to the need to be different. I hate the idea of being ordinary. Yet when it comes down to it, that's exactly what I am. It's not a bad thing, though. We are all ordinary, in some sense of the term, and yet we are all extraordinary. There is no one in the world like us. I suppose I'm unique to some people, and the epitome of boring to others.

An unnamed friend once told me that people like me are the ones who are most susceptible to corruption. Not because we have weak hearts or spirits, but because we want so badly to fix the system. At first we're idealistic, then compromisers, then sell-outs. We let the basis of our beliefs go, so we can obtain the power to make them reality. I can't accept that, but I don't know if they're wrong. All I know is that I refuse to abandon my beliefs.

Something else is funny about all this. I can't ever post this, because people will see it as a lack of self-belief. They will think I'm weak, and pitiful, and no one can ever love or respect a person like that. Maybe I do doubt myself. I don't even know anymore. If I search myself, I guess I think I'm strong. Just not strong enough. Of course, when it comes down to being loved, no one will ever love someone who doesn't love themself. A curse and a blessing. I want so desperately to be a better person.. to be someone worth loving. Yet the more I try to come in tune with myself, the more people lose respect for me. A twenty-two year old with internal issues? No... I'm supposed to be confident, and charming, and talented. I'm in a frat, I'm almost done with a college degree. I should be attractive, smart, and desirable. No, I should have no emotional shortcomings at all.

Once again, this whole spiel is counterproductive. I wrote all this about myself, yet in the end it doesn't matter. If I can make one person truly happy, even for a second, I'll consider myself a success.

Damn I'm one sappy college student. I should be in a Hollywood movie, crap like this.

Maybe that's what I'll do with my writing! I'll write movies!

6/28/09 07:38 pm

http://apps.facebook.com/who-is-your-a-babiha/

1/23/09 03:01 am

I'm terrified that the fraternity will make people think I've changed. I'm horrified by the idea of not spending as much time with the people who actually, legitimately mean something to me. People who are intelligent, fun, witty, sarcastic, and just plain awesome. Trevor, EB, Nicole, Alex, Kelly, Kelly, Tiffany, Carolyn, Chris, Jessi, Jaki, Malcolm, RA, Starrett, Dickey, Jessie.. (these are just a few.. and in no particular order) Honestly, the guys in the fraternity are idiots. I spent my semester wasting my free time.. I needed something to do with my time. I had too much, and I felt disconnected from the university, but I'm so completely over it.

So, I'm not spending time around the fraternity, at all. I'll go to events every once in a while cuz I'll be docked points and put in bad standing if I don't, but my time is going to be spent with the people who matter. The people I love.

1/9/09 04:12 pm

So I'm in St. Louis. It's actually not too bad cold-wise, and the guys are somewhat amusing. Still would rather not be here, obviously. Tomorrow starts the real stuff. We'll see what happens, but I should learn lots at least.


I also feel like I let people down a lot, especially my friends. Maybe I do, maybe I don't, but I need to stop worrying so much about it. Puts strain on everything.

Weee!

12/30/08 09:45 pm

1.Put your music on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got the note from.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Hoobastank - Moving Forward

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Bon Jovi - Wanted Dead or Alive

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Powerman 5000 - Transform

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Linkin Park - Hit the Floor

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Sister Hazel - Hello It's Me

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Hot Hot Heat - Island of the Honest Man

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Linkin Park - What I've Done (haha)

WHAT IS 2+2?
Thrice - Red Sky

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
The Eagles - New Kid in Town

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Less than Jake - Johnny Quest (Thinks We're Selling Out)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Bon Jovi - Something to Believe In

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Tchaikovksy - Waltz of the Snowflakes

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Oh No! Oh My! - On the Town

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Red Hot Chili Peppers - 21st Century

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
The Doors - Hyacinth House

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Nickelback - Follow You Home

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Oasis - Columbia

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Dead Poetic - New Medicines

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Catch 22 - Wine Stained Lips

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Reel Big Fish - Snoop Dog, Baby

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Carbon Leaf - Grey Sky Eyes

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Especially in Michigan

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers - I Need to Know

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Sister Hazel - Killing Me Too

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
AC/DC - Rock n Roll ain't Noise Pollution

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Ray Charles - The Jealous Kind

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
The Damnwells - Heartbreaklist

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
lostprophets - Always All Ways

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Beethoven - Piano Sonata No. 20: Finale

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
The Offspring - Genocide

11/2/08 05:43 pm

Hmmm... seems like lots of people are mad at me recently. Granted, I've been a bit standoffish, so it's warranted.

Time to work on people skills again. Sorry to anyone I've offended or made angry. I definitely didn't mean to.
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