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9/30/10 02:42 am - Odd Bedfellows
"Am I dead?" He asked the man next to him. Well, man might be too generous a term. It certainly looked like a man, from the neck down at least, but had the unsettling and distinctly non-human feature of a large beak protruding from where a normal person would have a nose. Coupled with the blue and black feathers adoring his head and it made for the sort of sight one couldn't help but stare at. He wondered if the man, or creature, minded.
The beaked figure shrugged unhelpfully. "If it helps, I'm not dead." it responded after some consideration.
"So I'm not dead." the man sighed, visibly relieved.
"I didn't say that." the creature croaked in return. It looked quite repulsive making human sounds with an avian beak. It sounded like how the man had always imagined lettuce would sound, it lettuce had a sound. Lettuce didn't normally generate sound on its own that he knew of, but there were many things he did not know.
"Oh." he mustered. "Well who are you anyway?"
The creature shrugged again. "Right now I don't know. I take the shape I need to take."
The man bit back the uncomfortably strong impulse to ask what force could possibly make this creature take on the form it currently wore, a form full of odd lines and dark plumage. Fortunately he was spared the need to ask by the creature volunteering the answer as if it had read the man's mind. The staring probably hadn't helped, he realized.
"The people who bring me to this place give me form." the beast cawed.
Great. That was comforting.
Doing his best to ignore the very alarmed section of his brain the man plowed on. "So others have been here before me?" he asked.
"No." the creature said as it nodded the affirmative. "Well, yes and no." it clarified unhelpfully.
"It can't be yes and no!" the man explained as one might explain physics to first graders. "Other people either have or haven't been here before I came along."
"Why can't it be both?" the bird-man cawed.
"Well because it's not physically possible..." he started, then stopped abruptly. Why wasn't it possible?
The bird-man took note of the man's sudden silence and seemed amused by it. "Realized you don't know where you are? Hard to determine what happened here before you if you don't know where here is." it commented sagely.
"Knowing where I am would be a great start." the man opined. The bird-thing smiled.
"It would." it agreed.
Sigh
"So... where are we?" he asked somewhat rudely, frustrated with the lack of progress the conversation was making.
"I don't know." it answered genuinely. "This is your place, not mine."
The man stood up aggravated. "So you're like a figment of my imagination? A manifestation of my subconscious or something." he rounded sharply. "Well, which one is it?"
The bird-man laughed aloud, a bizarre and off-putting clacking noise that reminded the man of sea otters breaking mussels. "This is not Freudian dreamspace. Why is everything always symbols and metaphors with you people? Can't you just enjoy a nice beach when you have one? Some people go their whole lives without ever seeing a beach."
The man noticed for the first time that he was indeed on a beach, the waves lapping gently around his ankles. He was shocked. "This wasn't here before..." he stammered.
"Wasn't it?"
The man thought for a moment, puzzled. Now that he considered it he could not recall what the scenery moments ago had been like. "I.. I don't know." he replied lamely.
"Of course you don't." the bird-man replied haughtily. "You never bothered to look."
The man bristled with indignation. "You know, for a ghost-apparition-thing you aren't very nice or helpful." he sounded like an angry schoolchild who had just gotten his ball stolen by the schoolyard bully. He contemplated what he said and decided he sounded like a spoiled brat. He fell silent.
The bird-creature blinked mildly at him, surveying him through one beady eye. The man felt uncomfortably like prey the thing was planning on savoring come mealtime. "You assume I'm here to help you. I don't even know you."
"You said people who summon you here give you form and I don't see anyone else here. I must have summoned you for a reason."
"Maybe you're just lonely." the creature suggested in a voice dripping with sarcasm. "And since you're the one who made me look like this I understand why." it intoned dispassionately.
The man ignored it. "I don't know where I am, I don't know who you are or why you're here. I'm all alone and I don't know anything!" he screamed in frustration. "What is going on here?" he asked miserably.
"Does it matter?" the bird-man asked quietly.
"Whatever." the man replied irritably. "Leave me alone."
The bird clacked in amusement. "You're slow, but you got it in the end."
"Got what?" The man turned around to look at his companion only to find the creature gone. Instead the beach was littered with tourists of all shapes and sizes and levels of obnoxiousness.
"Oh honey! I didn't even see you get up." his wife beamed at him from her sun chair. "Did you have a good nap?"
Lounging, an odd posture for a bird, near his towel was a peculiar blue and black bird. It was eying him cautiously since he did not appear to have any food. "It was just a dream." the man murmured to himself as he lay back down on his towel.
"Was it?" the bird asked with a quizzical expression. "Maybe it just took you a while to notice the people, the same way it took you a while to notice the beach." The man considered the question for a moment, then hit the bird with a plastic shovel he found near his head. "Shut up." he said.
Then he went back to sleep.
==============
A very whimsical short I wrote after a long drive back to my apartment. I don't really know what inspired it but here it is. It's unedited because I'm tired. Maybe I'll get around to it later. Enjoy! Or don't, whatever floats your boat.
The beaked figure shrugged unhelpfully. "If it helps, I'm not dead." it responded after some consideration.
"So I'm not dead." the man sighed, visibly relieved.
"I didn't say that." the creature croaked in return. It looked quite repulsive making human sounds with an avian beak. It sounded like how the man had always imagined lettuce would sound, it lettuce had a sound. Lettuce didn't normally generate sound on its own that he knew of, but there were many things he did not know.
"Oh." he mustered. "Well who are you anyway?"
The creature shrugged again. "Right now I don't know. I take the shape I need to take."
The man bit back the uncomfortably strong impulse to ask what force could possibly make this creature take on the form it currently wore, a form full of odd lines and dark plumage. Fortunately he was spared the need to ask by the creature volunteering the answer as if it had read the man's mind. The staring probably hadn't helped, he realized.
"The people who bring me to this place give me form." the beast cawed.
Great. That was comforting.
Doing his best to ignore the very alarmed section of his brain the man plowed on. "So others have been here before me?" he asked.
"No." the creature said as it nodded the affirmative. "Well, yes and no." it clarified unhelpfully.
"It can't be yes and no!" the man explained as one might explain physics to first graders. "Other people either have or haven't been here before I came along."
"Why can't it be both?" the bird-man cawed.
"Well because it's not physically possible..." he started, then stopped abruptly. Why wasn't it possible?
The bird-man took note of the man's sudden silence and seemed amused by it. "Realized you don't know where you are? Hard to determine what happened here before you if you don't know where here is." it commented sagely.
"Knowing where I am would be a great start." the man opined. The bird-thing smiled.
"It would." it agreed.
Sigh
"So... where are we?" he asked somewhat rudely, frustrated with the lack of progress the conversation was making.
"I don't know." it answered genuinely. "This is your place, not mine."
The man stood up aggravated. "So you're like a figment of my imagination? A manifestation of my subconscious or something." he rounded sharply. "Well, which one is it?"
The bird-man laughed aloud, a bizarre and off-putting clacking noise that reminded the man of sea otters breaking mussels. "This is not Freudian dreamspace. Why is everything always symbols and metaphors with you people? Can't you just enjoy a nice beach when you have one? Some people go their whole lives without ever seeing a beach."
The man noticed for the first time that he was indeed on a beach, the waves lapping gently around his ankles. He was shocked. "This wasn't here before..." he stammered.
"Wasn't it?"
The man thought for a moment, puzzled. Now that he considered it he could not recall what the scenery moments ago had been like. "I.. I don't know." he replied lamely.
"Of course you don't." the bird-man replied haughtily. "You never bothered to look."
The man bristled with indignation. "You know, for a ghost-apparition-thing you aren't very nice or helpful." he sounded like an angry schoolchild who had just gotten his ball stolen by the schoolyard bully. He contemplated what he said and decided he sounded like a spoiled brat. He fell silent.
The bird-creature blinked mildly at him, surveying him through one beady eye. The man felt uncomfortably like prey the thing was planning on savoring come mealtime. "You assume I'm here to help you. I don't even know you."
"You said people who summon you here give you form and I don't see anyone else here. I must have summoned you for a reason."
"Maybe you're just lonely." the creature suggested in a voice dripping with sarcasm. "And since you're the one who made me look like this I understand why." it intoned dispassionately.
The man ignored it. "I don't know where I am, I don't know who you are or why you're here. I'm all alone and I don't know anything!" he screamed in frustration. "What is going on here?" he asked miserably.
"Does it matter?" the bird-man asked quietly.
"Whatever." the man replied irritably. "Leave me alone."
The bird clacked in amusement. "You're slow, but you got it in the end."
"Got what?" The man turned around to look at his companion only to find the creature gone. Instead the beach was littered with tourists of all shapes and sizes and levels of obnoxiousness.
"Oh honey! I didn't even see you get up." his wife beamed at him from her sun chair. "Did you have a good nap?"
Lounging, an odd posture for a bird, near his towel was a peculiar blue and black bird. It was eying him cautiously since he did not appear to have any food. "It was just a dream." the man murmured to himself as he lay back down on his towel.
"Was it?" the bird asked with a quizzical expression. "Maybe it just took you a while to notice the people, the same way it took you a while to notice the beach." The man considered the question for a moment, then hit the bird with a plastic shovel he found near his head. "Shut up." he said.
Then he went back to sleep.
==============
A very whimsical short I wrote after a long drive back to my apartment. I don't really know what inspired it but here it is. It's unedited because I'm tired. Maybe I'll get around to it later. Enjoy! Or don't, whatever floats your boat.
